Hello? I'm calling to cancel a hotel reservation.
This is the hotel. We no longer handle hotel reservations because they’re too complicated. You have an Expedite reservation so you'll have to call Expedite to get your money back.
Welcome to Expedite. This is a computer. Are you calling about a flight plus hotel or just a hotel reservation?
Just hotel.
Press 2 and hold and I'll get you the right representative.
Salsa dancing music.
Hello, my name is Dorman, may I have your name and itinerary number?
The number is 3.14159265359.
And how may I help you today?
I'm calling to cancel a hotel reservation.
Ah yes, I see here. Just one moment and I'll cancel the reservation for you.
Steel drum music.
Ma'am? I'm actually with Expedite Gold customer service and I see you are Expedite Silver. Just a moment and I'll get you the right representative.
Irish step-dancing music. Stir 5 boxes of matzoh ball mix with 10 eggs and oil and put in fridge. Fill 3 pots and one wok with water and put on stove to boil.
Hello, my name is Amid, may I have your name please? Thank you, and your itinerary number?
3.14159265359.
And how may I help you today?
I'm calling to cancel a hotel reservation.
Ah yes, I see here. Please hold just one moment and I'll cancel the reservation for you.
Country fiddle music. Shape 48 matzoh balls and boil for 20 minutes.
Rose?
Rose is my last name. It's Barbara.
Yes, Rose? I see here you are not with Expedite in the United States but with our offices in Canada, a country we've never heard of and cannot find on a map. I can transfer you if you stay on the line.
Throat-singing music.
Ma'am? We are experiencing longer than usual wait times. Would you like to continue to hold?
Actually I think I will hang up and call Expedite Canada myself.
Please, please, Rose, just give me a few more minutes or I will be flogged by Human Resources.
Scoop 48 matzoh balls from boiling water, one dozen of them smelling faintly of soya sauce and ginger, and arrange on parchment-lined cookie sheets to cool. Place in freezer.
Ominous electronic gurgle. Music stops.
Hang up and go online. Four days left to cancel or Expedite will charge for the reservation in full. Wait! There is a link to cancel reservation! Click, click and done!
Phone rings.
This is Amid. Please let me connect you now or at least acknowledge that I tried to help you or I will be fired.
Written, edited and published during the length of one experience to cancel a hotel reservation with Expedite. Plan Your Trip Today!